no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
