WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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