her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
