i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
