I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
