3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
