dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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