I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
