I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mom said you looked used
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
