I am puke
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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