I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
