She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
