She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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