Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
