yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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