Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
