u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
