READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
