We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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