I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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