I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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