Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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