I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
