My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
