I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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