Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
