So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
