i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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