tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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