Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
