I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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