I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
