I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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