I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize