thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
