why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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