You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
