Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
