i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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