If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
