dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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