I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
