I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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