I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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