The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
