I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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