xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
