if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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