It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize