whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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