he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
