so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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