you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
