Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
