She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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