I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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