id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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