And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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