Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
