I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
