we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You need Xanax blowdarts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
