There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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