I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
