i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
