I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
